The media is once again bombarding us with headlines filled with toxic shame and bad behavior. It's difficult to get the world news and find out what is really happening because no one wants to miss the opportunity to claim higher ratings, to sell more tabloid rags or to join in the frenzy and financial gain of gawking at the rich and famous. Today's news was Chris Brown. The R&B star's recent apology and guilty plea for assaulting his former girlfriend gives us yet another opportunity to get in touch with the out-of-control collective shadow that lurks beneath the surface of every one of us, even those who can claim political, financial, creative or material success. Who would have predicted a year ago that this multi-talented bestselling singer, dancer, and entertainer would be capable of beating his superstar girlfriend? While his therapy and remorse are worthy of note, beneath the surface of this young man is a pile of rage. Let's not fool ourselves. If that rage is not continually confronted and taken seriously, he will more than likely end up striking another woman or, even worse, beating her to death. And, quite frankly, being sorry for beating the s--t out of his girlfriend is just not enough.
I want to be clear. I do not believe that any three or four year old aspires to grow up and damage the life of another or that they would find this an acceptable way to behave (unless they were missing a moral compass). I do not believe that Chris Brown, a young man with an entire world open to his gifts and talents, woke up one day and said, "I can't wait to be a woman beater." But the facts now prove that Chris Brown is someone capable of causing horrific pain. My heart goes out to this young man who has been blessed with enormous gifts and cursed with such a difficult issue.
This issue of violence is our collective responsibility. It is up to us to teach our youth how to deal with emotional problems, how to address the compulsions and impulses that bring men and women to their knees each day. It is time for all of us to see that we are sleep-walking through life if we think the issue will magically go away when we as a society can barely bring ourselves to admit how rampant the abuse of women is, whether it is emotional, psychological or physical. As I exposed in The Shadow Effect, on average, more than three women are murdered by their intimate partners every day. We must gather as one voice and say "Enough is enough." It must stop now. It is time for us to collectively take responsibility for educating both the victims and the victimizers, the prey and the predators. We must stand strong together and say "No more!" We must make a commitment that we will not gather together in denial, ignoring the issues that plague our human existence. Instead, we must join together and break free from the bonds of our fear, shame, hurt and guilt. We must do our own work, knowing that when enough of us do that, others will benefit from our collective coming together and the healing of our own shame, fear and rage.
Not excusing his behavior, let's acknowledge that Chris Brown is just another face of the unhealed shadow wounds. And if we don't come out of denial (page 145 of Why Good People Do Bad Things) then tomorrow he will just be replaced by another poor soul who is a victim of society itself. He is not here for us to project our shame and horror on. Nor is he here for us to point our fingers at. He is here so that we may learn, grow and evolve and face our own dark, uncontrollable impulses. And ultimately, as we look at his behavior, we can be humble and grateful that we are not the ones acting out this horrific crime. We can close our eyes and thank God that we are not having to deal with this issue in our own lives as we silently murmur the prayer, "There but for the grace of God go I."
Your Weekly Shadow Work
Do you use the bad behavior of others to justify your own not-so-bad behavior? Check out your own uncontrollable impulses. When will you handle them? What could you do this week to stand for the collective healing?
With love and respect,
Posts
Hi Debbie, I was amazed to find that statistics from NIH show that almost 30% of the population of the U.S. is deemed to be legally insane. And when you couple this with the statistics that with only 5% of the world's population, we here i the US use 40% of the world's illegal drug production (and goodness only knows how much of the mind-altering legal production). With statistics like this, one has to ask: "Who is running the country? especially looking at the bizarre behavior in the political arena.
ReplyDeleteIMHO, this is the prime issue that needs to be addressed today in the field of human consciousness. And is one of the subjects i want to address via the "Moving into: TOTAL WELLNESS" program I'm designing and inviting others to join in since this is a mega project that requires many minds. So, do hope you will join us on LinkedIn.
with love and appreciation
mary rose